Note: If you have been abused by your spouse, relative, or friend, please call the police (911) and get to a safe place. Your life and the safety of your children are the immediate priority. Once you and a counselor have determined that your life is not in danger, there may be an opportunity for a process of restoration in situations where both partners acknowledge the need for help.
According to Gary Barnes, professor of biblical counseling at DTS, one out of four people at your church may be suffering from spousal abuse. What would you say if a woman and her abusive husband came to you, acknowledging their need for professional help? How should Christian leaders advise people like them to move forward with counseling?
On our “Are There Biblical Grounds for Divorce?” episode of the Table Podcast, Darrell Bock, Gary Barnes, and Debby Wade (licensed sex therapist) discuss practical advice for pastors and others who are ministering to spouses who are willing to seek assistance. In this video clip, Wade and Barnes explain how a collaborative, structured model can help couples pursue reconciliation.
Bock begins this section by asking, “Should the spouses seek the same counselor, or different counselors, or does it depend?” Wade responds:
I would recommend two different counselors and a consent of release being signed by both parties for both counselors so that the communication can be between the counselors (and they can) validate what change is taking place.
Furthermore, she also suggests periodic meetings with both spouses and their counselors present. This allows counselors to work individually with each spouse on personal issues before coming together to evaluate marital issues. Moreover, this model allows each spouse a personal advocate who affirms their desire for reconciliation.
Barnes adds that while this collaborative, structured model is ideal, it may not be possible to have the victim and abuser immediately enter into this kind of counseling situation. He explains,
“…it may be the case that a lot of individual work would have to happen first before that joint-work could happen.”
Still, Barnes notes that these situations where both partners see a need are not outside the potential for God’s redeeming work. In conjunction with appropriate space and time for change to occur, God has used this counseling model in the process of restoring trust in abusive situations and as a means to bring abuse to a stop.
Listen to the rest of this podcast: What Does The Bible Say about Divorce and Redemption in Cases of Spousal Abuse?