Leading with Courage and Compassion

And then there's this … there are the social changes that, of course, we've seen in my own lifetime, as well. So we live in a time of rapid change, in which the leaders in the church are having to speak to people who are also having to cope with all these changes in one way or another. The world that our children are growing up in, or our grandchildren in my case, is very different than the world I grew up in. So how does the church prepare people for that? That actually is a challenge for leaders in the church. And so we exist, at the Hendricks Center, to help leaders negotiate through that, and to think through what those changes represent, and the kind of pressures that are faced as a result of some of those changes.

Today, that's no longer true. A lot of people have questions about the Bible. They have questions about what kind of work it is, that kind of thing. So now we have to argue that it's in the Bible because it's true. That's a different kind of argumentation. The idea is, well, God has inspired this and said this is the way to live, because this is a helpful way to live on its own intrinsic merit. So how do you make that argument in that kind of a way, and how do you think about it? So, the church has to think about how the Bible addresses the authenticity of life, and what makes for a good way of living in human flourishing, and not simply put the imprimatur of the Bible on it, but understand the theological and human, and anthropological rationale for why God would say that's a good way to live.

But in the mid '80s, he used to say, "The greatest crisis in America is a crisis of leadership. And the greatest crisis of leadership is a crisis of character." And with that kind of spirited mind, he founded and brought some others in to work with him on what became called the Howard G. Hendricks Center for Christian Leadership. And they began to really think through what does it take to lead people, not just in churches and in Christian institutions, but also out in society, in the marketplace and in workplaces, in the military, in government?

Dad was very much about the practice of the word. He had done his thesis on the Book of James. And so a lifelong theme for him was, "Let's not just be hearers of the word, let's be doers of the word." And he kept driving toward the practical. How does this apply to everyday life? And it really was the perfect setup for where things have gone today, because today, more than ever, we need to be asking the question, "How does our theology, how does our Bible, how does it work? In day-to-day life, what difference does this make?" And people are really seeking that answer, if they're people of faith.

When you hand the ball off to a runner and he's in the sweep play, and they're … the linemen are pulling out in front, the play is drawn to have a hole in a certain place. But that doesn't mean that's where the hole's gonna be. And so, as the runner is coming to the sideline and deciding when he's gonna make his cut up the field, he's got to read and react, both to the way the linemen are configured, and the way the defense is coming at him, so that when that … And he also needs to anticipate where that hole is gonna be by the time he gets there. And so all those skills that are pictured in that metaphor are the skills of the leader who's able to read and react, both knowing what he's carrying on the one hand, what the Scripture has to say, and how to cut through life in the midst of it all.

So this comprehension is two-fold. It's the understanding of the Scripture, which generally speaking, seminaries have been pretty good at training people to be able to do. But then the understanding of the culture is something, generally speaking, that has tended to take a lesser position. And yet, it's very, very important, as well. And so the ability to … what we … another metaphor that we use in the Center is, the ability to switch hit. The ability to go from life to the Bible, or life back to the Bible. To be able to go both ways, and it's not always the same move … is important in being a leader, and in knowing how to discern what it is that needs to be done in particularly difficult circumstances, oftentimes. And those circumstances have become more challenging in many ways in recent times.

And so we're trying to equip people with both levels of comprehension. So if you look at, for example, these podcasts that we do, some of them are biblically content oriented, they're theologically oriented, they're about doctrines and teaching and that kind of thing, or apologetics. But others of them are very much situational scenarios, the types of spaces and places people find themselves in, and they're wanting to know, how do I assess this and know how to respond biblically. So that's comprehension.

So we've gone from both the text to the life situation, and the life situation back to the text. We go both ways.

And hopefully, at the relational level, I'm always wrestling with those two elements, side by side, so that I don't back off on my convictions on the one hand, and I'm actually engaged in the conversation with a willingness to learn and to hear what's being said on the other. But at the same time, I'm also extending this invitation to say, "There might be a better way to live. There might be a more profitable way to do things than the way we are engaged with each other right now." And that, I think, is part of what's important to what the Center does, 'cause a leader, to lead, has to be a leader not just in what he thinks and what he sees, but also how he relates to the people that he's leading.

And that may mystify us. But one thing that'll help is, have the person begin to tell you their story. The Italians have a saying, "I can't know you unless I've dined with you." I like to say, "I can't know you unless I've heard your story." When I hear where you've been, where you've come from, your background, some of the situations you've been through in life, some of the things that have happened to you, some of the things that you've done, it just … it can't help but begin to generate some compassion, and at least an ability to put myself in the other person's shoes and say, "Wow. I think if I'd been through that I might end up at the same place." And that has a way of treating the person as a person, and humanizing the conversation.

I see Paul doing this in Acts 17. He starts off by saying, "I see you're very spiritual." Now he doesn't like the idols that they're worshiping at all, but he does say, "I see that you're very spiritual. And since you're spiritual, let's have a conversation about spirituality." And then he dives into it. And so, this way in is a way of connecting with someone in the midst of sometimes very challenging conversations. And good leadership knows how to do that and do that well.

On the other side, people also need to know something about what I like to call the good truth about who they are. And as you know, my specialization has to do with people's giftedness. And so we have a variety of resources at the Hendricks Center in helping particularly students come to grips with how God has designed them, and what their strengths are, so that they can deploy those strengths where they can be most effective.

So self-awareness is also a comprehension thing. And it'll overlap with one of the other Cs that we get into later.

Now, think about that. What do you think that portrait of Christianity's gonna be like? It's probably gonna be something that's gonna have to get addressed at one point or another, 'cause it's probably not too faithful to the faith that you're familiar with. Okay. So all of that is important to know. Are there influences in the background? Was there a bad church experience in the background? All those kinds of things can be very important. And so you pursue that. And the other thing that I say is, you want to put your doctrinal, theological, and identity meters on mute. Now that's said very carefully. I'm not saying turn them off. You're not gonna be able to. You're gonna register with things that are said to you. And you should. You should pay attention to what you're hearing.

But what I mean by that is, is that our tendency is, when we hear something that's off, is, "I've got to respond. I've got to respond immediately." We immediately go into rebuttal mode. And the way you know, in a conversation, whether you're listening or not, is whether you're in a mode in which, if I had to repeat what this person said to me in different words so that they would say, "You get it," I could do that. Or, I'm in a mode in which I say, "The way I'm gonna respond to this person is …" And so that's how you sort out whether you've got that meter on mute or not.

And so you put it on mute, and you just try and figure out … GPS. You're trying to figure out where they're located. And down the road … And we're assuming here … in some of these conversations we're assuming, we're talking about these long-term relationships that people have, the ones they care about the most. And so, you're gonna get a chance down the road to bring up the stuff that you hear. But initially what you want to do, I want to understand what drives this person, what makes them tick. That's part of compassion.

And another important part to realize about this is that the attempt to understand someone doesn't equate agreement with them, nor does it equate defection because you're compromising on anything. You're trying to get to know the person. And really, before you can do a good assessment on someone, the better you understand them, the more likely you're assessment is to be more on target. So, we're talking about something that's almost a requirement, relationally, in order to be able to interact well. And particularly in areas of conflict, it's important that you at least know what you're disagreeing about well. And so we say, in these difficult conversations, which is a part of compassion, that when you interact with someone, and you can both say, "Yep. That's exactly what we disagree about. Now let's talk about it," you're in a much better place than sometimes what often happens in these conversations, particularly when they're debates, you end up talking past one another, and you really aren't touching the issue that you really disagree about.

That's absolutely true. And both sides of it are true. We do grieve. Grief really is real grief. It hurts, and it doesn't really ever subside. The severity may, but grief is not like five stages and you're out of it. It's a cycle. And these cycles will come back throughout your life. But it's not as if we have no hope. And I do not know what people do who grieve but have no hope. To see your whole world vanish before your eyes and not have God, that's a rough thing. By the way, that same principle applies to a lot of other things. We suffer, but not as those who have no hope. We have financial reversals, but not as those who have no hope.

So, as Christians, we live in the same vicissitudes that everybody else … The only difference is that we have some hope. But that ought to give us some compassion for people that have not yet found Jesus.

And so we need to see people as whole persons, and begin to care about where is their life going? Obviously as Christians, that bigger thing of where's their eternal destiny going? And we need to bring Christ to them, not just by hammering on them to repent and turn. The gospel certainly needs to be shared, but it needs to be shared, not just for eternity, but for right now. The values of our king that Darrell mentioned, it's an attractive set of values. Life goes better when we treat people as we would want to be treated, for example. And we show them patience, and we show them kindness, and we show them compassion.

And so Tom realized this problem and he said, "Well, they ought to have jobs like everybody else." And so he created a kind of work there at Howdy Homemade which actually fits some of the skills, some of the ways that special needs people can contribute, because a lot of the work is repetitive, and it … interaction with the customers and so forth, it actually works for them.

And then the third way is to step forward and step in, to have the courage to step forward and step in. Hopefully you've done it with … you do it with good character, you do it with a comprehension, some comprehension of what's going on, and you do it with enough compassion that when you step in, you have something to offer. And in the midst of offering it, you're not only modeling something about how to deal with it, but you're also helping other people get their hands and heads around what's going on, and how to go about dealing with it.

So good leadership, I think, has the ability to have this courage, to step in to the difficult space, to the difficult place, and to have something to offer once you step in, because you have all these other components that you've brought with you that make it, that allow you to function even in the midst of the difficulties.

Another thing that takes courage is, Paul understood, when he was introduced at Mars Hill, that they didn't introduce him this way, "We'd like to welcome this apostle who's part of a new religious movement that we really are finding fascinating, and we're curious about. And we think he has something very significant to say to us, so we invited the apostle Paul to come and address us, and we're all ears." No. They viewed him as a cultural curiosity. They described him as a seed picker. That's like a little bird that flits from this to this to this to this. And the suggestion is, a mile wide and an inch deep. That's the way they were viewing Paul. But he has the courage to step into that situation and address them as honestly and directly, and try to serve them, despite their attitude, as he engages them.

All of that takes courage. All of that involves risk. And the key risk is having enough security in your identity in the Lord, and the security that that gives you to be able to take the flack and the push back and everything else that will come from taking the risk, to step into that space. A good leader understands that often will happen, that not every … when you step into the fray, not everyone's gonna be on your side. Or, another way to think about it … this is one of the ways in which our culture has changed … is we've gone from being the home team to being the visitors. And in the midst of being the visitors, we get all the pressure, not just of playing the home team, but of playing the audience that's rooting for the home team. And so, that takes … To play well on the road takes a particular fortitude, 'cause a lot of people are yelling against you, as you're doing what you're doing. That all takes courage.

Brings us to the last … it's already been implicit in our conversation. The last C is the idea of character. And so we think of all kinds of different things that come to mind, maybe, when you hear the word character. How would you define character in this regard?

And that's why, when you go to work, you asked about the workplace tie in, to often people may be Christians, but functionally speaking, they're pure secularists when they go to work in that they leave God at home. And they need to bring him with them. I need to be praying over the task in front of me. I need to be praying about the people around me. I need to be praying about the meeting I'm getting ready to go into. I need to be talking with God about the decision I'm getting ready to make, and invite his presence and power to demonstrate themselves in those moments. If we did, I think we'd see a lot different things happening in our work. But we gotta apply those spiritual disciplines to our work in order for that to happen.