Getting Past Uncomfortable: Thinking About Disability, Friendship, and the Church, with Jason Epps and Paul Pettit

Dallas Theological Seminary alumnus Jason Epps (ThM, 2021) and Director of Career Services and Adjunct Professor Paul Pettit (ThM, 1996; DMin, 2007) have coauthored a book about the church and people with disabilities, One Body, One Spirit: Disability & Community in the Church. The book’s goal is not that people will start new ministry programs in churches but that able-bodied Christians will learn to notice, engage with, and build friendships with their brothers and sisters with disabilities. The coauthors themselves model the kind of friendship they advocate for in the book—though Jason’s cerebral palsy keeps him in a powered wheelchair, he seeks opportunities to fulfill his calling as a teacher in the church; and Paul brings the perspective of an able-bodied person eager to get to know people with disabilities and how they might serve the body of Christ.
One Body, One Spirit describes a five-step process for building friendships between the able-bodied and people with disabilities. Where did the idea originate?
Jason: The idea for the five-step process we describe in the book started when I was an undergraduate at Moody Bible Institute. During my sophomore year, because of a series of medical mishaps, I had multiple surgeries. I ended up spending eight weeks in the hospital on a medical leave of absence. The only class I could continue with was Greek exegesis because my professor came to the hospital to tutor me. I’m so grateful to him for doing that. But when I was discharged from the hospital, because I wasn’t taking classes, I really had nothing to distract myself from how lonely I was, how isolated I was. It was a time of introspection, and I began to wonder, “Why am I feeling this way? Can anything be done—beyond just complaining and telling people I’m feeling horrible?” I wanted something constructive that could help people who feel alone. So what I started creating became our five-step process. As I described it to people, they all said, “You need to write a book about this!” But I didn’t know how to go about it, so the project stalled for a while.
How did the idea eventually become the book?
Paul: When I teach, I always say to my students, “I’ve written books, and I know some of you have ideas for books you’d like to write. I’ll help you through the writing and publishing process whenever you want.” Very few students have taken me up on that offer, but as soon as I mentioned it in Jason’s class, he put his hand up and said, “I’ve got an idea for a book.” When I heard he already had a five-step structure in mind, I was immediately intrigued.
Jason: That started our conversations that led to a book proposal together. What I really enjoyed about the writing process was that Paul didn’t know much about the world of people with disabilities. So he was able to represent the kind of reader we were writing for, which helped me clarify what I wanted to communicate.
Paul: For me, the best part of this collaboration was our weekly video chats. I had so many questions, and Jason had great answers that made so much sense. The big idea that I heard from Jason over and over was to treat people with disabilities like any other human—ask about their day, find out how you can offer help, get to know them. It’s simple, but it was such a breakthrough for me to no longer worry that I might offend in some way.
Fear keeps people apart, doesn’t it? What are the fears that you’ve seen preventing the able-bodied and those with disabilities from forming friendships?
Paul: I think able-bodied people may worry that if they offer to give someone a ride to church or school, they’ll end up locked in a commitment to do that all the time. But then Jason said, “Why don’t you just ask them if they need a ride, even if you have to mention that you won’t be able to commit to a long-term ride offer?” He helped me with just living in the moment, just being much more organic than I was being. A lot of this fear comes from not having a friend or family member with any kind of disability. I’ve learned that building a friendship with a person with a disability means getting past that uncomfortable early stage.
Jason: From the disability side, my biggest fear is that I might be in the way. When I’m in a social situation, am I limiting people’s fun, keeping them from doing what they want to do? This begins as a social fear, but then it can cascade into kind of a self-loathing, feeling like it’s not worth it to try to get involved in a group situation.
Don’t spoil the book, but give us an introduction to the five-step process.
Jason: The plan is focused on individual, one-on-one friendships. So the first step is Notice. You have to see the person, observing like a detective. That leads to the second step, Engage. Go up to the person. Ask questions, such as if they’d like company. Learn about their likes and dislikes; learn how they see the world.
Paul: The next step is Research. I at first assumed it meant to research the science of the disability. But it’s actually about scouting locations ahead of time to see if my friend will be able to navigate the space and if an activity would be something he would enjoy. The fourth step is Incorporate, which means putting your plans into place and making sure your friend can be fully incorporated in the event or activity. Incorporate means putting flesh on the group’s goals so they can welcome their friend with a disability. Interestingly, the word “incorporate” contains corpus, or “body.” It’s bringing people of all body types and abilities into the body of Christ. And then in the final step, Advocate, I become a voice for people with disabilities in my organizations and groups.
How is this book different from other books in the area of the church and disability?
Jason: Most of the literature is concerned with developing a program in a top-down approach. Our book brings a bottom-up approach: genuine friendship-building for individuals. It opens a conversation about the actual person with a disability. The benefit of following through with the five-step plan is not just creating genuine friendship but also showing the person with a disability that they are worthwhile, that people really understand what love means. For the longest time, I knew intellectually that God loved me, but I didn’t know practically what that was, because in the church, we sometimes know what to say, but we don’t act on it. People would often tell me, “We love that you’re here!”—but their actions didn’t line up. Sometimes I’d like it better if they were honest.
So there’s a surface-level appreciation of people with disabilities, but sometimes it doesn’t go deeper?
Jason: Some churches put a lot of effort into making the physical space of the building more accessible, with wide, automatic doors, ramps, and such. That’s good. But what I’ve learned is that friendship can overcome limitations in the building; but without friendship, every building, no matter how “accessible,” is just an empty space. Through friendship, you can communicate to a person that you really know and care that they are valuable, and by doing that, you can help them overcome years and years of trauma and any bitterness that might have developed.
One Body, One Spirit is available now from Kregel Publications.
About the Contributors

Neil R. Coulter
Neil R. Coulter completed degrees in music performance and ethnomusicology from Wheaton College and Kent State University. He and his family lived in Papua New Guinea for twelve years, where Neil served as an ethnomusicology and arts consultant for Wycliffe Bible Translators. In 2015, he helped design and launch the PhD in World Arts at Dallas International University. He teaches doctoral courses in theory and ethnography at DIU’s Center for Excellence in World Arts. At DTS, he teaches about art, literature, film, and theology, and he is senior writer and editor of DTS Magazine. Neil is married to Joyce, and they have three sons.